By: Kimberly Grant
Anyone whose ever worked in corporate America is familiar with meetings that should have been an email message. Those meetings are basically situations where not much is talked about yet a lot of time is taken to talk about relatively nothing. You leave feeling like you could have read all of that in an email and gotten some real work done. If I had to give you an artistic example of this annoyance, it would be Three Thousand Years of Longing.
Three Thousand Years of Longing will release in theaters nationwide on September 26.
The Usual Suspects
Since this is a review, I will give you the requisite information. Three Thousand Years was written and directed by George Miller with writing credit also going to Augusta Gore. Miller and Gore used the short story “The Djinn in the Nightingale’s Eye” by A. S. Byatt for inspiration. George Miller’s writing and directing credits include the Mad Max franchise and the Happy Feet movies. Both franchises are clearly on two different sides of the genre spectrum.
Nevertheless, Miller persevered to bring audiences a film that attracted such acting talent as Tilda Swinton, who plays Alithea, and the Idris Elba to play a character that’s simply called “The Djinn”. Just in case you’re wondering, a Djinn is basically a genie with long black hairs on their legs who can do magic and are considered gods. The Djinn also believe in the God of Israel.
Confused? Perfect. You’re in the right frame of mind to read this review.
When Rubbing a Bottle Turns Into Scratching Your Head
The plot of Three Thousand Years – which I have to guess because it’s not readily clear – is that Alithea, a celebrated narratology scholar, travels to Istanbul, Turkey, for a conference. She and her colleagues discuss things like mythology vs. science. They believe that mythology has given way to science because the human race has more access to information.
At first, it all sounds like good stuff. Then Alithea is attacked by a specter for seemingly no reason and she brushes it off to go to a bazaar where she finds a generic looking bottle that’s been burned. As she’s washing off said generic bottle a very large Djinn in the form of Idris Elba appears in her room to grant her three wishes in exchange for his freedom. If this plot sounds weak, then you’re still in the right frame of mind to read this review.
Most of the film is spent with the Djinn telling Alithea about the few times he’s been let out of his bottle and the wishes he granted. He even tells her how he got into the bottle in the first place. And therein lies the bulk of the movie. This brings me to my next (and major) point.
A Movie That Should Have Been A Miniseries
In order to fill in the movie, Miller and Gore decide to show the audience rather than tell them about the Djinn’s long/short life as a Djinn in a bottle. It starts with his love of the Queen of Sheba (season one winner of Africa’s Next Top Model Aamito Lagum) who casts him away for King Solomon (Nicolas Mouawad).
The film’s iteration of King Solomon happens to be a magician. (Side note: the real King Solomon of the Bible is considered a very important figure of the Old Testament and any mentions of him being a magician is myth in itself.) In order to eliminate his competition, the King puts the Djinn in a bottle and seals it with a special red thread, which is a popular symbol in the bible.
The Djinn goes on to tell Alithea about two other compelling times he was released from the bottle. These tales are filled with love, politics, beautiful costumes and scenery, and a great story. These stories are so intriguing that they almost need their own short film to shine. If I’m being frank, Three Thousand Years of Longing would have been better off as a series of shorts, strung together by the Djinn’s retelling to Alithea. To put you in the right mindset, it could be filmed similar to Amazon Prime Video’s Modern Love with a Middle Eastern twist.
Sad But True
The thin plot, badly placed plot points, and lack of flow aren’t the only things wrong with this film. Swinton and Elba have no chemistry. None. It’s almost painful to watch them “fall in love” with each other. Despite the talented actors, the beautiful locations, and gorgeous costumes, Three Thousand Years of Longing has left me longing for a better movie.
Curious about what constitutes a better movie? You can read my review of Bullet Train here.
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